~The small things but it mean a lot~

So whoever does an atom's weight of good will see it,And whoever does an atom's weight of evil will see it.(Q.S. 99 : 7-8 )

Today I was touched ,reading a story from a famous Islamic scholar Imam Al Ghazzali(ra). "MasaAllah".... It's really related to Allah's promise in Quran , even the good deed , we've done only an atom's weight, Allah will consider it.

Allah SWT Had Decided for Imam Al-Ghazali (ra) as a great Wali and a great scholar and is a source of knowledge for the generations to come till The Last Day after letting the small fly drank the ink of his pen ,because it was very thirsty and he wait it until quenched its thirst. And another proof that Allah also will reward Jannah to those who are very kind to animal living as the follow hadits ; 

Prophet Muhammad (saw) once told a story to his companions. There was a man who went on a journey and on his way felt very thirsty. He found a well and went down into it and drank water. When he came out of the well he saw a dog that was also very thirsty and was licking the salty ground with his tongue. Thinking that the animal was thirsty like him, he again went down into the well, filled his leather socks with water and gave it to the dog. Allah was so pleased with this action of the man that He granted him Paradise.

~Allah is my only reason! then, my heart will relief ~

Assallamualaikum Warahmatullah,

Volim te u ime Allaha 

Today ,I am extremely exhausted and bored of waiting the documents from my hubby. I supposed to realize , Long Distance Relationship is not easy thing to get through it, even between two countries, need more understanding because you're in the zone of   intercontinental  and multicultural relationship, you must spend extra money to stay in touch and off course, you must take more risks.

Sometimes, my mind filled with negative questions which come from myself such as ; "How if I couldn't survived there?, how if my husband leave me or  hit me ?or how if I couldn't visiting my hometown anymore ? " , How if....bla...bla...bla.. ??? ". Recently , those questions often cross my mind  and I know the evil  is creeping     my blood vessels ,slowly , trying to lead me going to the doubt of the holy wedlock.. 

Dear my beloved Mother

I have no idea how to express my feeling to my beloved mother today, because I am very shy! Yes… today is mother’s day in Indonesia (22 December 2010). I wonder why it’s really hard for me expressing my true feeling to my parents. Believe me or not, I gave huge to my parents when they returned from Hajj in 2005. I cried hard when I was hugging them so tight. It was my first time; I missed them so much after I had not seen them for a month. How about now? Well, after that I almost never huge them and prefer hide my true feeling how much I care and love them. Luckily, I am still have chance to kiss their hand after praying together in house. Ironically, it’s not like when I do to my friends, I can huge, kiss and do romantic things easily. Deep inside of my heart, I really know that my parent’s loves are very genuine and can’t compare with other love after Allah, definitely. Ooh Lord, I am feeling very guilty, only You know my complicated feeling right now…. Even today, I can’t huge my mother just wanted to express that I am really love and care about her and can’t say apologize for still cant be her best daughter..

Do you want to be happy? take a share !

I have shared this note since 3 years ago and I would like to remind myself that everything would changed , there is no eternal thing in this world except Allah. This story I wrote when I was single woman and must facing some complicated issues related to be 30+ single woman. Alhamdullillah, I have overcome d  some tests which have already prepared by Allah  for me. It's not for making a weak person, on the contrary, through the hardship , Allah SWT just want to teach us , how becoming more tough person , better 'mukmin' , and of course to get closer to HIM and from it, I could get some good lessons to find a better future life.

This note based on my real story and would like to share with you, by sharing what you have with others is one of ways to find the truly happiness, whether you are still single or married. Sharing here, could be your skill, dua, knowledge or any simple things, not only from money or materially things.

Recently, I just came from Bosnia and Herzegovina for humanitarian mission. Alhamdullillah , I have been really grateful to this wonderful chance because not everyone have luckiness like me. I must go home after refusing to continue my job’s contract with local NGO’s due to internal problem with the mission of that organization. I could not delay my parent’s request for coming home because they are really need me especially for preparing my younger brother’s wedding , beside that my parents want me to spend more time with them after almost 12 years, living separately .I have already known the risks, if I would stay any longer in my hometown. Well, the neighbors and society in my hometown would be the most challenge in my life. Being jobless in my age at 30 + would be an good object of their question especially for my single status! Yes ! I am still single and have nothing! I used to take some journeys in many rural areas outside of my hometown, and found some new things, did some crazy things without thinking my status! I could be free tobe myself and really enjoy my real life alone. And now, when I coming home, anything totally different, as if I were an alien from in the middle of nowhere. Mostly of my friends and my relatives in my age, already got married and even got 1 , 2 ,3 children.

Some things I have that you may not have

I have listed some experiences which is some of them beyond my imagination. But you will realize how special I am, as a single woman did some crazy things. Alhamdullillah ! T..he reason is only from Allah ! , so never fear for trying something new even it sound impossible for you  . The most key is "Just do something " !

• Got a job in a city which I wished for at glance 5 years a go ( Allah had listened my dua , even though only in seconds said in my heart . 
• Visited Singapore, for seeing unknown friend as the first white muslim who I have met in real during my whole life! ( LoL….. finally I can deny my friend’s opinion who used to insult and said to me that there are no white born muslim in this world, but the fact ! I have many good white ( Caucasian ) muslim friends around the world,now.

A pair of old clogs's story

Trenggalek, October, 17, 2012
A pair of old clogs's story

Her tear was dropping on her cheek again while she put a pair of old clogs on the shoe's rack.It's only a pair of dull clogs which suppose to be thrown away to the rubbish basket ; its sole already filmsy and mostly of its paint peeled of but her heart still attached of something in which is too painful if she stare at the old clogs..

It just remain  about her father who just exactly three months ago passed away, yes... for her , that is not an ordinary old clogs, there were a lot of stories behind in which left a deep wound for her.She remember her father , the owner of  a pair of old clogs. Her mind is wandering back about one deep wish from her father that could not be fulfilled until he left her forever.