~ My life's journey after tsunami in Aceh ~

Eight years a go, we are still remember the terrible Tsunami disaster had rocked Aceh and some other countries such as Thailand,Malaysia, Maldives, Srilanka, Bangladesh, South Africa, Kenya, Myanmar,India and Madagaskar.

In Aceh , more than one hundred thousands people were died ,  more than thirty thousands people missing  and more than  five hundred thousands people had lost their houses. Their live extremely  changed within only few minutes and Allah had showed us that how weak and fragile we are, as human.

Then, how about my life when 26 December 2004 ? well, I must say, digging up my memory about something happened in past need the courage to be published in this room . 

Eight years a go, I was fighting with my love-sick, my heart crumbled into pieces and my live was so horrible. I was like the most useless woman in this planet and my head and mind  being covered by how to leave my job and how to ignore my ex-fiance's face after he cancelled our planning to get married while my position as senior producer , script-writer and Radio DJ in one of female radio station was on the rise. The day when tragedy tsunami rocked Aceh either rocked my heart,  the only thing that I wanted , running to Aceh, giving my heart and love  to those who are really need to be helped but it seemed no way out. For me, Aceh was like  invisible island which impossible to be traced  from the city where I used to worked, Malang, East Java. 

Day by day , I tried to wake up and took back the pieces of broken heart by getting closer to Allah. In every night praying, my tear dropped easily, my life was very complicated, sometime I felt so lonely but sometime I enjoyed my precious time with Allah that I never had before. Losing my fiance did not means I had lost my friends even Allah had sent me more good guys to help me, support me and they were be there whenever I need them, they are my truly friends, Alhamdullillah !.
Just remember some ayah in Surrah Al-Insyirah ; 5-6, So verily , with every difficulty there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief . Yes, Allah had has proved to me .

~ Our extraordinary married certificate ~

"Alhamdullillah .." , Two sheets of blue sea and white yellowish papers, recently sent by my husband, via email. It's not like any other ordinary paper, which may be easily torn or thrown away to the garbage basket as I wish like any other ordinary paper.. "Well .... it's our marriage certificate, which is officially  issued by the government of Bosnia and accepted internationally.

After couple months before , we had to struggle to get  marriage certificate from the government of Indonesia. It had has been long process , taken a lot of energy, countless patience and must stand in positive way, even though facing the various emotion which is up and down. The feeling of suspicious,mad, feeling weak,weary had has popping over my heart , I still stand with my previous decision tough, how to get those sacred papers in our hand. I don't know, why I choose this way . The question has across-ed  in my mind, sometimes ," Aren't you nut,  why you keep holding on a stranger who you knew only for four days  and then now, wait for him to get the married certificate ?"

Why I had have unmoved while some of my relatives, other friends have  doubtfulness to his capability to legalize internationally married certificate and even one of my close relatives, had advised to give it up and offered some ideas to select the available local guys  here and to think twice about my mother who will be stay alone after my father passed away, how could  you leave your mother thousands miles away from you, who will take care of her when she isnot well ? .

~A special gift for our wedding~

Assallamualaikum Warrahmatullah 

I would like to  share a poem from my friend. This is a special gift for our wedding. It's very nice poem . Thanks in a million my dear friend.. 

~I trace the love on the sky of verity~

Honesty is the spirit of love itself ...

It is  the foundation of true love ...

Honesty is the other side of the love that we can not lose it at all, if it is so, then, that's not be called love...

Here we are going  to dive into the ocean of our intentions

Why are we getting married??? For what married???

Be honest, from your genuine heart ...

So, if we get wrong intention or no honesty,  we can fix  and  rebuild it from zero growth point of love ...

Because how many people end their domesticity  Since they started their relationship with dishonesty ...

Marrying just because of her outer beauty , soon or later would create devastation in their domesticity because another prettier girl can be easily  to tease him ...

Or people who marry for the  position and  because seeing the social status only,  if that position getting lost, If Allah test it with poverty,their domesticity would be broken ..

This is the portrait of those who are dishonest in their intentions ...

 It will end with a bitterness in their domesticity ...

It's time to trace the love ...

If the word is a piece of heart, so I want these words as the link of letters in my heart to be a prayer...

So Allah will always  put my love through your heart ...
and to let  you know, that I love you forever ...

                                                                                  Trenggalek,21 November,2012

~My Father's favourite song~

Assallamualaikum Warrahmatullah

Insa Allah ~Maher Zain

I just remember my father when I listen Maher Zain's song. He used to sat on the front seat in the car while we were on the way on our trip .He was really enjoying listened this song while his fingers gently smote his thighs. Even though he couldn't understand English, we saw  his face was content. It was one of our sweet memories with my late father and we really hope it would happened again, but we can't. If only we could turn back time...

Yaa Nabi Salaam Alaika~Maher Zain

The song above is another favourite song from my late father. The last day he listened this song was in my brother's Walimatul Ursy at 17 June 2012, it was also supposed to be my wedding but my husband delayed because his parents was very ill. Sometimes, my tears dropping when I listened this song, it was really touched my heart .Now everything has changed without my father's presence. But he is not die he lives inside our heart. We will always miss him. 

Rest in Peace My father... May Allah unite us with him In Jannah, Amiin 

Trenggalek, 19 November 2012

With Love

Your daughter

~The small garden of my mind~

Assallamualaikum Warrahmatullah,

You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head.The first key to writing is to write,no to think.. ( Sean Connery )

My head is very busy with some stuffs that really need to be flowed. They keep pushing me to put it down and the hardest thing for me is , not taking action directly. I often postpone to write something because of some insignificant excuses like my English grammar and vocabularies are poor, not focus and facing difficulties to point the theme and etc.. 

Dear my beloved Mother

I have no idea how to express my feeling to my beloved mother today, because I am very shy! Yes… today is mother’s day in Indonesia (22 December 2010). I wonder why it’s really hard for me expressing my true feeling to my parents. Believe me or not, I gave huge to my parents when they returned from Hajj in 2005. I cried hard when I was hugging them so tight. It was my first time; I missed them so much after I had not seen them for a month. How about now? Well, after that I almost never huge them and prefer hide my true feeling how much I care and love them. Luckily, I am still have chance to kiss their hand after praying together in house. Ironically, it’s not like when I do to my friends, I can huge, kiss and do romantic things easily. Deep inside of my heart, I really know that my parent’s loves are very genuine and can’t compare with other love after Allah, definitely. Ooh Lord, I am feeling very guilty, only You know my complicated feeling right now…. Even today, I can’t huge my mother just wanted to express that I am really love and care about her and can’t say apologize for still cant be her best daughter..

Some things I have that you may not have

I have listed some experiences which is some of them beyond my imagination. But you will realize how special I am, as a single woman did some crazy things. Alhamdullillah ! T..he reason is only from Allah ! , so never fear for trying something new even it sound impossible for you  . The most key is "Just do something " !

• Got a job in a city which I wished for at glance 5 years a go ( Allah had listened my dua , even though only in seconds said in my heart . 
• Visited Singapore, for seeing unknown friend as the first white muslim who I have met in real during my whole life! ( LoL….. finally I can deny my friend’s opinion who used to insult and said to me that there are no white born muslim in this world, but the fact ! I have many good white ( Caucasian ) muslim friends around the world,now.

A pair of old clogs's story

Trenggalek, October, 17, 2012
A pair of old clogs's story

Her tear was dropping on her cheek again while she put a pair of old clogs on the shoe's rack.It's only a pair of dull clogs which suppose to be thrown away to the rubbish basket ; its sole already filmsy and mostly of its paint peeled of but her heart still attached of something in which is too painful if she stare at the old clogs..

It just remain  about her father who just exactly three months ago passed away, yes... for her , that is not an ordinary old clogs, there were a lot of stories behind in which left a deep wound for her.She remember her father , the owner of  a pair of old clogs. Her mind is wandering back about one deep wish from her father that could not be fulfilled until he left her forever.