~ My priceless time with my family ~

I am really grateful because ALLAH has blessed us the harmonious family. Me, my younger sister,younger brother, sister in-law and  mother are very close each other , I can feel that our family bounding much more stronger than before, especially after my father passed away.

Sunday Market	Apple and strawberry garden tours
Pudding and fried snack	Various sambal

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~ My life's journey after tsunami in Aceh ~

Eight years a go, we are still remember the terrible Tsunami disaster had rocked Aceh and some other countries such as Thailand,Malaysia, Maldives, Srilanka, Bangladesh, South Africa, Kenya, Myanmar,India and Madagaskar.

In Aceh , more than one hundred thousands people were died ,  more than thirty thousands people missing  and more than  five hundred thousands people had lost their houses. Their live extremely  changed within only few minutes and Allah had showed us that how weak and fragile we are, as human.

Then, how about my life when 26 December 2004 ? well, I must say, digging up my memory about something happened in past need the courage to be published in this room . 

Eight years a go, I was fighting with my love-sick, my heart crumbled into pieces and my live was so horrible. I was like the most useless woman in this planet and my head and mind  being covered by how to leave my job and how to ignore my ex-fiance's face after he cancelled our planning to get married while my position as senior producer , script-writer and Radio DJ in one of female radio station was on the rise. The day when tragedy tsunami rocked Aceh either rocked my heart,  the only thing that I wanted , running to Aceh, giving my heart and love  to those who are really need to be helped but it seemed no way out. For me, Aceh was like  invisible island which impossible to be traced  from the city where I used to worked, Malang, East Java. 

Day by day , I tried to wake up and took back the pieces of broken heart by getting closer to Allah. In every night praying, my tear dropped easily, my life was very complicated, sometime I felt so lonely but sometime I enjoyed my precious time with Allah that I never had before. Losing my fiance did not means I had lost my friends even Allah had sent me more good guys to help me, support me and they were be there whenever I need them, they are my truly friends, Alhamdullillah !.
Just remember some ayah in Surrah Al-Insyirah ; 5-6, So verily , with every difficulty there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief . Yes, Allah had has proved to me .

How to make Fried Jackfruit ( Nangka Goreng )

Jackfruit is one of my favorite fruit. This is an enormous and sticky fruit that's look like durian but it's larger, can easily be found in some traditional markets in my hometown and other places in Indonesia. It has very sweet taste and smell. We can find the jackfruit in Southeast Asia, South Asia or in Brazil. Sometime I am very lazy to prepare the jackfruit because it's very resinous and sticky , so I must lubricate my hand with the vegetable oil before reaching its yellow flesh of jackfruit. 

The jackfruit can be eaten as fresh fruit or mixed with other ingredients as traditional dishes or making as chip jackfruit. You can also cook raw jackfruit with coconut milk that its texture and taste look like chicken's meat (For Vegan, recommended as substitute of meat , if they want to eat chicken's curry).

Do not throw away the pits of the jackfruit because its taste is savory like chestnut, but we must boil it first until soft. 

Recently, my sister in law brought me a big ripe jackfruit from her own garden . I was very happy because she also share a yummy new recipe, named  fried jackfruit.

WET PAPAYA SWEET ( Manisan Pepaya Basah )

Some papayas in my backyard has already a half ripe and sometime I just let them rotten , "ooo"... really feel guilty , I waste free papaya in my home easily while in other places or even other country the papaya's price is expensive , beside that the papaya contains of high levels of  antioxidant nutrients such as Vitamin A and Vitamin C. Based on the numerous research studies,  the vitamin C from Papaya is 48 times more than apple, the papaya also very good to maintain our skin , so that's why some cosmetic's product using papaya as its ingredient.

Since I am getting bored with the fresh ripen papaya, recently, I just made one of my favorite dessert in my childhood, Papaya Sweet. This kind of sweet, used to be found from food vendor who dropped by my Elementary School. Then, I browsed some recipe how to make the Papaya Sweet. Here, I prefer to make wet  Papaya Sweet  to dry  papaya Sweet due to lacking of sunshine in this rainy season. And  its taste, close to what I wish.

R.E.A.D

Talking about  the darkness  just striving me to the bad mood. It seems my brain will transfer me a sign of something negative into my mind. The dark will create black color , sorrow and miserable. I wondering when or why some people in this world just agree that the darkness or black engage  to something negative ? Who is the creator that the black color or the darkness for bad things? I am very curious to know it. I don't know why I just hate with the darkness and black color except for my clothes. 

Yesterday , we were living in the darkness due to the electricity was out. All the house in my block were turn to be dark , to be black. No body  like it including me and it got worst after seeing the water was falling through my leak roof because of the storm rain . I and my mother could not help fixing the problem just complaining and grumbling instead .'The suffering day' or 'The horrible day'  and so many negatives feelings had crammed into my head.

I was sitting on the couch in  my living room where my late father used to sit . No light and only the darkness around me and its atmosphere pushed my brain gave a sign the negative feelings , 'the loneliness ', The feeling of missing my father had came out again, The need of his presence was really strong that I want to be until my heart sored..

Eggplant-smoked tuna and Tofu in Coconut Milk( Lodeh Terong, Tongkol dan Tahu )

Eggplant-smoked tuna and tofu in coconut milk

This is one of traditional menus from my grandmother. She used to cook it at the clay crock on wood stove. Sometimes, I really miss the traditional atmosphere when anything run with patience and off course so naturally. This  menu just bring my mind to the atmosphere of my childhood, over past 30 years a go. I don't know, whether I will get it this menu or not for my future. Today I am very lucky, because my mother asked me to help her making this menu again. Since I don't want to loose the recepe, I decide to put it down and record it with my camera step by step how to make it.

Here we prefer using small green eggplant because its taste is little bit bitter but getting fused in our tongue. Well, I think it depend on the taste, if you dislike it, you can use another various of eggplant ( purple eggplant or big green eggplant ). In my hometown, the eggplant is very cheap, it's about $50 sen per one kg. Let's start cooking now...

~ Our extraordinary married certificate ~

"Alhamdullillah .." , Two sheets of blue sea and white yellowish papers, recently sent by my husband, via email. It's not like any other ordinary paper, which may be easily torn or thrown away to the garbage basket as I wish like any other ordinary paper.. "Well .... it's our marriage certificate, which is officially  issued by the government of Bosnia and accepted internationally.

After couple months before , we had to struggle to get  marriage certificate from the government of Indonesia. It had has been long process , taken a lot of energy, countless patience and must stand in positive way, even though facing the various emotion which is up and down. The feeling of suspicious,mad, feeling weak,weary had has popping over my heart , I still stand with my previous decision tough, how to get those sacred papers in our hand. I don't know, why I choose this way . The question has across-ed  in my mind, sometimes ," Aren't you nut,  why you keep holding on a stranger who you knew only for four days  and then now, wait for him to get the married certificate ?"

Why I had have unmoved while some of my relatives, other friends have  doubtfulness to his capability to legalize internationally married certificate and even one of my close relatives, had advised to give it up and offered some ideas to select the available local guys  here and to think twice about my mother who will be stay alone after my father passed away, how could  you leave your mother thousands miles away from you, who will take care of her when she isnot well ? .

Trying various 'Corba' ( Soup ) from Bosna..

When I visited Bosnia and Herzegovina in 2010, I noticed some people had has prepared corba ( soup ) before going  to the main dish. It stole my attention due to less common served in my country . Some people in Indonesia only prepare main dishes for their daily meal. This kinds of soup could be eaten with rice and that's all !, more simply than in Bosnia or any other country such as in Europe or USA. We don't have appetizer, soup and/or salad  and the last dessert. Alhamdullillah, I am kind of  woman who are easily get adaptable with many kinds of different foods from any other countries, off course as long as halal  ( allowed by my religion, cause I'm muslim ) food. 

My journey to some other cities or countries  can be used for learning how to know more the local food. It may be very new, strange and different for our tongue but it would be very interested experience knowing something different from ours. This kinds of soups supposed to be my  main dish because my stomach's capacity is smaller than Bosnian people. Since they are taller and bigger than me, this soup is only for the appetizer and after it, usually followed by main dishes and dessert. Hmmm.... preparing for daily meals is more complicated than in Indonesia. But, soon and later I must learn to get used to it, as my hubby is Bosnian and now Bosnia becoming my second home.

Well, I  took some pictures during visiting to some friends who had has served some various soups as my references. 

Here they are the various soups that I ever had during my visiting to some friends in Bosnia & Herzegovina. Most of them, were prepared for my Iftar ( Breaking fast ) in Ramadhan 2010. 

1. This is the first soup that I ate in Trebinje, it's prepared by Khatidza fatihagic. She is very nice woman and very expert cooking Bosnian's food. I hope someday, I had chance seeing her again and learning how to make Bosnian food from her, InsaAllah. I forget asking Hatidza the recipe of this soup and its ingredients.

 I guess this soup mixture with meat, carrot and noodles.

Original Fried Tempeh ( Tempe Goreng biasa )

Talking about Tempeh ( in Bahasa Indonesia/ Javanese called  témpé  ) , It's very popular and cheap food in Indonesia. But don't get it wrong, it's not cheapen food due to it has very high protein, dietary fiber and vitamins. Tempeh is a traditional food which  originated  from Indonesia particularly in Java Island. It made from fermented soybean and If you are vegetarian, is highly recommended because it consider as meat analogue. Well, since I am very beginner in culinary world , I'd like to share the simplest menu for today, it's called Tempe goreng ( Fried Tempe ). 

Ingredients :

- 6 blocks  / 1 package Tempeh( if it's wrapped by plastic. Here I am using Tempeh which is wrapped by banana leaves and its size is little bit thin ) 

- 3 cloves garlic

- 1tsp coriander

-1 1/2 tsp salt

-water

-oil for frying

Oooo Dear myself...check your lists, please..!

Assallamualaikum Warahmatullah

Meeting with my religion teacher of my Senior High School recently, just remain me about one of his precious lessons that he taught to my class. He asked us to make a table for daily sin's and goodness' lists that we do. His order left us curiosity in our head  , it was like such a silly thing."Please be honest with yourself, I won't protest if you make some sins and goodness; I will not check it, because it's only Allah and you know the truth.", he said. Then, we made a simple table and must filled everyday for a week.

I felt uncomfortable whenever checking my table, well...it was about my sins....Everyday I have sins even though  only appear in my  intention. To be honest, I started wrought-up when I calculated my sins appeared more, than my goodness.

~Praying for Palestine~

Assallamualaikum Warrahmatullah,

"The Believers, in their mutual love, mercy and compassion, are like one body: if one organ complained, the rest of the body develops a fever." [Bukhari & Muslim]

"Praise be to Allah " , for still giving us chance to meet in my personal blog. Two days a go, I was hiatus from writing because of my laziness have tried tempt me. But it just create discomfort in my heart instead. So I decide to start rewriting on this small garden of mine.
To be honest, I am very reluctant if talking about the latest issue which is only repetition like it happened before and just guess at the end will left unsatisfied, suffering, disappointing   in my friend's , Muslim's, me's mind. Yeah, it's about Palestine and Israel.The Hadit above just remain me about our brothers and sisters in Palestine. The part of our another body now are in pain, so I also extremely in pain now...

Two days before Israel and Palestine have announced their armistice and I don't know how many times that moments  happened over and over again. The world has cursed Israel's arrogance and off course all we know, they had killed a lot of innocents people especially children and women. All we know what Israel do is not only against Palestinians but more important is against humanity's right.

~A special gift for our wedding~

Assallamualaikum Warrahmatullah 

I would like to  share a poem from my friend. This is a special gift for our wedding. It's very nice poem . Thanks in a million my dear friend.. 

~I trace the love on the sky of verity~

Honesty is the spirit of love itself ...

It is  the foundation of true love ...

Honesty is the other side of the love that we can not lose it at all, if it is so, then, that's not be called love...

Here we are going  to dive into the ocean of our intentions

Why are we getting married??? For what married???

Be honest, from your genuine heart ...

So, if we get wrong intention or no honesty,  we can fix  and  rebuild it from zero growth point of love ...

Because how many people end their domesticity  Since they started their relationship with dishonesty ...

Marrying just because of her outer beauty , soon or later would create devastation in their domesticity because another prettier girl can be easily  to tease him ...

Or people who marry for the  position and  because seeing the social status only,  if that position getting lost, If Allah test it with poverty,their domesticity would be broken ..

This is the portrait of those who are dishonest in their intentions ...

 It will end with a bitterness in their domesticity ...

It's time to trace the love ...

If the word is a piece of heart, so I want these words as the link of letters in my heart to be a prayer...

So Allah will always  put my love through your heart ...
and to let  you know, that I love you forever ...

                                                                                  Trenggalek,21 November,2012

~ The key words is....Alhamdullillah 200000X..~

Assallamualaikum Warrahmatullah

Trenggalek,  November,20,2012

 Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Every matter of importance which is not begun with, 'Praise be to Allah' is defective." [Abu Dawud and others]

"Alhamdullillah"... I just want to say many times to Allah SWT,  for still giving me chance to use my hand putting  down some experiences of my life this morning , opening my heart to read some good lessons along with very tragic, miserable and also touched- moments which I got through,today. How many times I forget to say grateful to Allah? how easy to me, saying "Alhamdullillah" but it's only lip service in which is not from my heart ? .

~My Father's favourite song~

Assallamualaikum Warrahmatullah

Insa Allah ~Maher Zain

I just remember my father when I listen Maher Zain's song. He used to sat on the front seat in the car while we were on the way on our trip .He was really enjoying listened this song while his fingers gently smote his thighs. Even though he couldn't understand English, we saw  his face was content. It was one of our sweet memories with my late father and we really hope it would happened again, but we can't. If only we could turn back time...

Yaa Nabi Salaam Alaika~Maher Zain

The song above is another favourite song from my late father. The last day he listened this song was in my brother's Walimatul Ursy at 17 June 2012, it was also supposed to be my wedding but my husband delayed because his parents was very ill. Sometimes, my tears dropping when I listened this song, it was really touched my heart .Now everything has changed without my father's presence. But he is not die he lives inside our heart. We will always miss him. 

Rest in Peace My father... May Allah unite us with him In Jannah, Amiin 

Trenggalek, 19 November 2012

With Love

Your daughter

~The small garden of my mind~

Assallamualaikum Warrahmatullah,

You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head.The first key to writing is to write,no to think.. ( Sean Connery )

My head is very busy with some stuffs that really need to be flowed. They keep pushing me to put it down and the hardest thing for me is , not taking action directly. I often postpone to write something because of some insignificant excuses like my English grammar and vocabularies are poor, not focus and facing difficulties to point the theme and etc.. 

~The small things but it mean a lot~

So whoever does an atom's weight of good will see it,And whoever does an atom's weight of evil will see it.(Q.S. 99 : 7-8 )

Today I was touched ,reading a story from a famous Islamic scholar Imam Al Ghazzali(ra). "MasaAllah".... It's really related to Allah's promise in Quran , even the good deed , we've done only an atom's weight, Allah will consider it.

Allah SWT Had Decided for Imam Al-Ghazali (ra) as a great Wali and a great scholar and is a source of knowledge for the generations to come till The Last Day after letting the small fly drank the ink of his pen ,because it was very thirsty and he wait it until quenched its thirst. And another proof that Allah also will reward Jannah to those who are very kind to animal living as the follow hadits ; 

Prophet Muhammad (saw) once told a story to his companions. There was a man who went on a journey and on his way felt very thirsty. He found a well and went down into it and drank water. When he came out of the well he saw a dog that was also very thirsty and was licking the salty ground with his tongue. Thinking that the animal was thirsty like him, he again went down into the well, filled his leather socks with water and gave it to the dog. Allah was so pleased with this action of the man that He granted him Paradise.

~Allah is my only reason! then, my heart will relief ~

Assallamualaikum Warahmatullah,

Volim te u ime Allaha 

Today ,I am extremely exhausted and bored of waiting the documents from my hubby. I supposed to realize , Long Distance Relationship is not easy thing to get through it, even between two countries, need more understanding because you're in the zone of   intercontinental  and multicultural relationship, you must spend extra money to stay in touch and off course, you must take more risks.

Sometimes, my mind filled with negative questions which come from myself such as ; "How if I couldn't survived there?, how if my husband leave me or  hit me ?or how if I couldn't visiting my hometown anymore ? " , How if....bla...bla...bla.. ??? ". Recently , those questions often cross my mind  and I know the evil  is creeping     my blood vessels ,slowly , trying to lead me going to the doubt of the holy wedlock.. 

Dear my beloved Mother

I have no idea how to express my feeling to my beloved mother today, because I am very shy! Yes… today is mother’s day in Indonesia (22 December 2010). I wonder why it’s really hard for me expressing my true feeling to my parents. Believe me or not, I gave huge to my parents when they returned from Hajj in 2005. I cried hard when I was hugging them so tight. It was my first time; I missed them so much after I had not seen them for a month. How about now? Well, after that I almost never huge them and prefer hide my true feeling how much I care and love them. Luckily, I am still have chance to kiss their hand after praying together in house. Ironically, it’s not like when I do to my friends, I can huge, kiss and do romantic things easily. Deep inside of my heart, I really know that my parent’s loves are very genuine and can’t compare with other love after Allah, definitely. Ooh Lord, I am feeling very guilty, only You know my complicated feeling right now…. Even today, I can’t huge my mother just wanted to express that I am really love and care about her and can’t say apologize for still cant be her best daughter..

Do you want to be happy? take a share !

I have shared this note since 3 years ago and I would like to remind myself that everything would changed , there is no eternal thing in this world except Allah. This story I wrote when I was single woman and must facing some complicated issues related to be 30+ single woman. Alhamdullillah, I have overcome d  some tests which have already prepared by Allah  for me. It's not for making a weak person, on the contrary, through the hardship , Allah SWT just want to teach us , how becoming more tough person , better 'mukmin' , and of course to get closer to HIM and from it, I could get some good lessons to find a better future life.

This note based on my real story and would like to share with you, by sharing what you have with others is one of ways to find the truly happiness, whether you are still single or married. Sharing here, could be your skill, dua, knowledge or any simple things, not only from money or materially things.

Recently, I just came from Bosnia and Herzegovina for humanitarian mission. Alhamdullillah , I have been really grateful to this wonderful chance because not everyone have luckiness like me. I must go home after refusing to continue my job’s contract with local NGO’s due to internal problem with the mission of that organization. I could not delay my parent’s request for coming home because they are really need me especially for preparing my younger brother’s wedding , beside that my parents want me to spend more time with them after almost 12 years, living separately .I have already known the risks, if I would stay any longer in my hometown. Well, the neighbors and society in my hometown would be the most challenge in my life. Being jobless in my age at 30 + would be an good object of their question especially for my single status! Yes ! I am still single and have nothing! I used to take some journeys in many rural areas outside of my hometown, and found some new things, did some crazy things without thinking my status! I could be free tobe myself and really enjoy my real life alone. And now, when I coming home, anything totally different, as if I were an alien from in the middle of nowhere. Mostly of my friends and my relatives in my age, already got married and even got 1 , 2 ,3 children.

Some things I have that you may not have

I have listed some experiences which is some of them beyond my imagination. But you will realize how special I am, as a single woman did some crazy things. Alhamdullillah ! T..he reason is only from Allah ! , so never fear for trying something new even it sound impossible for you  . The most key is "Just do something " !

• Got a job in a city which I wished for at glance 5 years a go ( Allah had listened my dua , even though only in seconds said in my heart . 
• Visited Singapore, for seeing unknown friend as the first white muslim who I have met in real during my whole life! ( LoL….. finally I can deny my friend’s opinion who used to insult and said to me that there are no white born muslim in this world, but the fact ! I have many good white ( Caucasian ) muslim friends around the world,now.

A pair of old clogs's story

Trenggalek, October, 17, 2012
A pair of old clogs's story

Her tear was dropping on her cheek again while she put a pair of old clogs on the shoe's rack.It's only a pair of dull clogs which suppose to be thrown away to the rubbish basket ; its sole already filmsy and mostly of its paint peeled of but her heart still attached of something in which is too painful if she stare at the old clogs..

It just remain  about her father who just exactly three months ago passed away, yes... for her , that is not an ordinary old clogs, there were a lot of stories behind in which left a deep wound for her.She remember her father , the owner of  a pair of old clogs. Her mind is wandering back about one deep wish from her father that could not be fulfilled until he left her forever.